Nothing's Fair In Love And War
by Luna Aiello
Summary: When you're in the middle of a war, what is worse; loving and losing or never loving at all? Character Death.


It was so rare in the days after the move to get some time alone, so when both Lenalee and Lavi got the chance, they would spend the night together. Some days it would be hot, passionate sex, other days it was just relaxing in each other's company, sharing sweet kisses and tender embraces. That night it had been the former, tucked away in a room hidden deep within the back hallways of the new Black Order Headquarters, they had spent hours making love.

Now, Lavi laid on his side, propped up on his elbow with Lenalee lying on her stomach in front of him, face turned away from him and chest rising and falling in slow, steady breaths. His eye travelled over her naked body, again mentally mapping every curve and line, every scar and mark of the beautiful angel that he got to call his own. Though he knew, in all honesty, that it was more that he belonged to her. She had awakened the heart he was never supposed to have and captured it as her own without even trying. She both shook him to the core of his being and made him whole all at once. She was entrancingly interesting and infuriatingly frustrating, she was the only person in the world who could make him feel like this and that was a very dangerous thing. And yet, he had no intention of giving it- giving _her_ up any time soon.

As he watched her, he couldn't help but reach up and lightly trace the words 'I love you' repeatedly on her skin with his finger. Starting at the base of her neck in tiny angular writing, slowly moving down her back, his words growing bigger and more fancy as he went, occasionally adding things such as 'beautiful LenaLady' or 'My Princess' along the way. He stopped when he got to the base of her spine where the top of the blanket rested, signing the last declaration with a heart before lying on his back, closing his eye with a quiet yawn. Just as he was starting to drift off, the mattress shifted, the delicate arms of his lover wrapping around him as she moved closer.

"I love you too, Lavi…" she whispered, placing the sweetest kiss to his lips before resting her head on his chest. His face turned the colour of his hair, having not realised that she was awake the whole time and had understood exactly what he had just admitted. For the first time in his life, he had said that he loved her. Instead of replying though, he just let his arm drape around her waist, holding her against him securely as the fatigue pulled them into slumber together…

 _'Faster!'_ Her steps echoed in the hallway, one step barely distinguishable from the next.

 _'Faster, damn it!'_ She flew down the hallway, coat undone and looking a dishevelled mess, but she didn't care. They'd done it, they'd found him, he was going to come home-

"Where?!" Lenalee nearly shouted, flinging open the door to the newer, larger technology room in the Science Division, causing its occupants to look at her in shock.

"Mèimei.." Komui said gently, quickly moving to take a hold of her shoulders and block her view of the large screen behind him. He almost never reverted back to Chinese unless something was wrong. And something _felt_ wrong.

"Gēgē, what's wrong? Where's Lavi?" her eyes pleaded with him, gripping the front of his white coat desperately, holding his gaze. They stared at each other like that for a long time, locked in a battle of wills, Komui studying her before letting out a deep sigh.

"This way." He said, keeping a hold of her as he guided her over to the display screen. Looking around, Lenalee figured this was the communications room where they connected with all the Order's golems and phone systems around the world. And there, on the screen, was a video feed of Lavi.

He looked a little – actually, a _lot_ – worse for wear, scars and bruises and blood creating splashes of colour against his sickly pale skin, his hair was way too long and looked mattered and dirty, falling to block most of his face from view, and his uniform was shredded in some places, and far to loose in others. Her hands covered her mouth, tears forming in her eyes as she took in his appearance and what little surroundings she could see. There was blood and bones everywhere, noises popping in the background but he seemed to be alone, not even restrained against the chair, just sitting there in his weakened state.

"Lavi…" she breathed, the tips of her fingers reaching to touch his face through the screen. He looked up.

"Lena..?" his voice was hoarse, cracking on the word. Her eyes widened incredulously. Could he hear her? "I don't know if.. you're really there, or if I'm just losin' my mind, but.. I jus' want you to know…"

He trailed off at the sound of a door opening somewhere out of their line of view, his eye moving from straight at her to off to his left. There came another voice but they spoke in a language she didn't understand, one that Lavi seemed to though and what little light was left inside him flickered out. The voice disappeared and the door was heard again.

"Heh, seems I don't got.. as much time as I thought.. just don't be sad for me LenaLady, I'm not worth crying over…"

"Yes you are, don't be an idiot Lavi! I'm going to come save you!" she yelled, shrugging her brother's hands off her and turning to face him. "Where is he? I'm going to go get him right now."

"Mèimei, you can't." he said softly, that look of pity in his eyes. "He's inside the Noah's Dark Ark, there's no way we can reach him."

The young girl looked back at the screen, hands beginning to shake the longer she stared at the red head's image.

"You're probably mad at me, right? That's okay Lena.. I'm mad at me too.. I broke so many promises and now that it's too late, I realise what's truly important… what I really should have been protecting… was you.."

"Lavi, no-"

"But it's alright, I get it now... and if I could get another chance, another life, I'd do it right… next time I'll give you the life you deserve…"

The red head wasn't even sure if what he was seeing was real or not, taking in the teary eyed expression of his lover, listening to her voice tremble as she whispered his name. He had to tell her everything before they came back; he _had_ to let her know just how deeply he loved her before it was too late. He couldn't move, he could hardly breathe through the pain but the words wouldn't come out fast enough.

"Keep living Lenalee, live and be happy, that's all I ask.. I'll be watching over you I promise, just keep living…" he wanted to hold her in his arms one last time, he wanted so desperately to tell her everything would be alright but he couldn't lie to her now. He watched her hands reach towards him, coming to meet an invisible wall as tears slipped down her cheeks silently.

"Don't leave me, please…" she breathed, shoulder's shaking from her contained sobs. It hurt him to see her like that.

"You can do this Lenalee, I'll always be with you…"

"I can't do this though! Lavi I need you, I need all of you, don't leave me! I can't do this on my own!"

"Yes you can. You are so much stronger than all of us; you can win this and be happy. One day Lena…"

She was wiping desperately at the tears from those pretty eyes of hers and again he wished he could just reach out and wipe them for her, to take away her pain and make her smile again. His gaze didn't leave hers as he heard the door again, not caring which grey skinned monster had come to take his life. He worked hard to focus just on her, noting how her hair had grown a few inches in his absence, the new scar above her right collarbone and the fact that she was wearing a pair of his earrings, but the sound of footsteps moving behind him still echoed in his ears. Lavi saw her expression change; knowing, just as he did, what was coming. Her face came closer now, like she was leaning through to him and he could almost feel her hands cup his cheeks, keeping his mind on only her as a dark, insane laugh came from his executioner.

His mouth moved slowly, forming words but no sound came out, smiling when his gaze met hers as a thin blade pierced through his chest. If the pain wasn't so great, he's sure he would have laughed at the irony. Death from a hole in the heart he wasn't supposed to have, while staring into the wide eyes of the girl he wasn't supposed to love. The last thing he registered was her tear-streaked face screaming for him before the world turned black and cold.

Lenalee watched in horror as a shadow moved behind Lavi, the glint of metal catching her eye. Komui had moved to hold her arms from behind, staying silent but she could feel the slight tremor in his hands as the entire room stopped what they were doing to watch with her. Others had gathered now, more of the scientists stopping there work, and even some of her fellow Exorcists, all of them focused on the Noah, but the Chinese girl saw Lavi mouth the words 'I love you' with the most peaceful expression on his face before the sword appeared through his chest, blood flowing heavily down his front and dripping from his mouth, but he continued to smile at her as she watched the life drain from his eyes before he slumped forward.

She didn't even realise she was screaming until Komui tried to sooth her, but there was such an immense pain in her chest, spreading through her whole body that she would rather have been stabbed.

"LAVI!" she cried, eyes blurring the image on the screen, trying to reach through it but her brother holding her back obstructed her arms.

"He's gone Mèimei, there's nothing we can do now." Komui said but she continued to struggle against him, kicking and trying to get her arms free, screaming and crying her heart out.

It took Komui, Reever and Choji to hold her back from breaking anything in the room, restraining her arms and lifting her small frame from the floor but that did nothing to keep her from trying, her heels kicking out at anything that got in her way, arms straining to get free and punch something, _anything_. Her brother whispered softly in Chinese in her ear in an attempt to calm her but she just continued to break down, wishing that she could cry out the pain that was building up inside her. It was like her chest was missing, like a giant hole had been punched through her and she was going to bleed out any minute. But she wasn't. She was still living and breathing and unlike her lover, the pain wouldn't end when she closed her eyes. Everything was spinning and fuzzy, her pained screams turning to sobs as she collapsed, the only thing keeping her from the cold floor being the arms around her.

Komui shifted to lift her into his arms, cradling her and taking her to his room instead of her own, worry lining his face at the way she shook and cried as if she were dying. It scared him.

To Lenalee though, it was close to dying. She had lost almost everyone she had ever cared about, her world was crumbling away from her and she was powerless to stop it. First Allen, then Kanda and Jonny, and now even Lavi, the one she had given her everything too and he was never coming back to her. How was she supposed to keep living, keep fighting, if everything she loved was just going to be taken from her?

It took about an hour of hugs and talking, mostly from Komui, for Lenalee to tire herself out and fall asleep, the elder tucking her into his bed and posting Finders outside the door to keep watch over his sister. He knew it was going to take a while before she was back to any sort of normalcy.

 _'Please God, don't let me lose her too…'_


End file.
